NOAH! Nah!

We finally saw NOAH last night, and first let me be nice and say that it had some good scenes and good special effects. I loved the part where the animals came to the ark. The movie also had some great actors in it. Yes, they did their best. Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly, who starred together in the superb film, A Beautiful Mind, had great chemistry as Noah and Naamel. (I need to find out if that’s her actual biblical name) The rest of the cast, including Emma Watson, Harry Potter’s old sidekick, tried hard to make this film work as well, but . . . .it didn’t. For me anyway, this film didn’t work AT ALL. Why? I’ve tried to figure out why and here are a few reasons that come quickly to mind.

1. The story-line wasn’t even close to the one we’re familiar with. It’s true there was an ark with animals. That was about it. The rest was unrecognizable. Well, the bad people die, but see number two to find out what made them bad. After the movie we attended was over, somebody was so disgusted that he yelled out, “None of that was in the bible, by the way.”

“No kidding!” I wanted to call back.

2. The movie had an agenda. The movie suggested that the people who ended up disappearing under the watery depths—the sinners, were “bad” primarily because a. They’d  industrialized and b. They ate meat. People are not more important than animals, the film let us know.

3. The rock monsters. Yes, I’d heard about them, and as soon as I saw them, I thought Yep, this is dumb all right. The rock monsters just didn’t fit. They were like big cartoon characters in the middle of a drama.

4. Noah was off his rocker. Like Russell Crowe’s character in A Beautiful Mind, Noah didn’t seem to know what he was doing or why he was doing it. He was confused to the point of being willing to kill his own family members. The guy was mean. I thought, Noah, shape up. Get a grip!   

To be fair, this movie may have worked for me had I been a vegetarian, atheist, and fantasy fan. Also, to be fair, my husband who’s kind of a fantasy fan said he sort of liked it. He said you just had to think of it as a sci-fi movie and not try to fit it in with the centuries old biblical story which, by the way, I’m wondering if the writers of this movie even bothered to read.





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